Don’t You Know Who I Am por Ramani Durvasula

28 febrero 2021


It’s time to take our lives back from a world of narcissism, entitlement, and toxic relationships.

“Don’t You Know Who I Am?” has become the mantra of the famous and infamous, the entitled and the insecure. It’s the tagline of the modern narcissist.

Health and wellness campaigns preach avoidance of unhealthy foods, sedentary lifestyles, tobacco, drugs, and alcohol, but rarely preach avoidance of unhealthy, difficult or toxic people. Yet the health benefits of removing toxic people from your life may have far greater benefits to both physical and psychological health. We need to learn to be better gatekeepers for our minds, bodies, and souls.

Narcissism, entitlement, and incivility have become the new world order, and we are all in trouble. They are not only normalized but also increasingly incentivized. They are manifestations of pathological insecurity—insecurities that are experienced at both the individual and societal level. The paradox is that we value these patterns. We venerate them through social media, mainstream media, and consumerism, and they are endemic in political, corporate, academic, and media leaders.

There are few lives untouched by narcissists. These relationships infect those who are in them with self-doubt, despair, confusion, anxiety, depression, and the chronic feeling of being “not enough,” all of which make it so difficult to step away and set boundaries. The illusion of hope and the fantasy of redemption can result in years of second chances, and despondency when change never comes.

It’s time for a wake-up call. It’s time to stem the tide of narcissism, entitlement, and antagonism, and take our lives back.


  • Introduction
    • What Does “Toxic” Mean?
    • Why You Should Care
    • The Genie Is Out of the Bottle
    • Who Was Your First Narcissist?
    • How This Book Can Help You Navigate Toxic People and Relationships
    • Why I Wrote This Book
  • Part One, The Narcissistic Roadmap: Navigating the Toxic Potholes
    • Chapter 1: Narcissists, Jerks, and Tyrants: Is Being an “Asshole” a Diagnosis?
      • The Narcissist: The Insecure Tyrant
      • The Toxicity Paradox
      • Are Toxic People Happy?
      • What Is Narcissism?
      • Can a Narcissistic Personality Be Treated?
    • Chapter 2: The Anatomy of Narcissism and Interpersonal Toxicity
      • The Five Clusters of Narcissism
    • Chapter 3: What Flavor Is Your Narcissist?
      • The Grandiose “Classic” Narcissist
      • The Malignant Narcissist
      • The Covert/Vulnerable Narcissist
      • The Communal Narcissist
      • The Benign Narcissist
      • Entitled People
      • Which Subtype Is Your Narcissist? (Hint: The Thirty Traits Can Help)
      • Psychopath vs. Sociopath vs. Narcissist: A Toxic Continuum
      • Narcissistic Patterns in Other Disorders
    • Chapter 4: Toxic Universe: The Narcissistic World Order
      • Why Do We Fall for Toxic People?
      • The Intoxication of Fame
      • The Toxic Playground: Social Media
      • Follow the Money
      • The Measure of Success
      • Toxic Masculinity
      • Education
      • Consumerism and Materialism
      • New Age Narcissism
      • What’s Your Brand?
    • Chapter 5: How (Not) to Raise a Narcissist
      • A Framework for Understanding the Why of Narcissism
      • The Paradoxical Issue of Indulgence Are
      • We Stuck in a Generation of Parental Overcorrection?
      • The Child as Hyperconsumer
      • A Formula for Raising a Narcissist
  • Part Two: The Toxic Narcissists in Your Life
    • Chapter 6: The Narcissist in Your Bed
      • The Cautionary Tale
      • Transactional Narcissistic Relationships
      • Love Bombing: The Gateway to a Toxic Love Affair
      • Why Do We Stay?
      • We Know Better
      • The Toxic Toll on Your Health
      • The False Hopes That Keep Toxic Relationships Afloat
      • What Is Love?
      • The Mantra of the Narcissistic Relationship
      • Infidelity
      • Coparenting With a Narcissist
      • Domestic Violence
      • Takeaways: Toxic Partners
    • Chapter 7: The Narcissist Who Raised You
      • The Key Characteristics of a Narcissistic Parent
      • The Impacts a Narcissistic Parent Can Have on a Child
      • The Unstable Foundation Laid by a Narcissistic Parent
      • Can—or Should—You Maintain Contact as an Adult?
      • Does Having a Toxic Parent Affect Your Own Parenting?
      • The Other Parent
      • The Aftermath of Having a Narcissistic Parent
      • A Chip Off the Old Block
      • Takeaways: Toxic Parents
    • Chapter 8: The Narcissist at Work
      • The Tyrant’s Appeal
      • #Everyonegetshurt by Toxic Leaders
      • Which Came First, the Narcissism or the Leader?
      • Moral Cleansing Theory: Why It Fails With Narcissistic Bosses
      • Your Narcissistic Coworkers
      • Why Did You Take the Job in the First Place?
      • It’s Not Fair
      • Takeaways: Toxic Bosses and Colleagues
    • Chapter 9: The Other Narcissists in Your Life (Siblings, Friends, In-Laws)
      • Siblings
      • Takeaways: Toxic Siblings
      • Friends
      • Takeaways: Toxic Friends
      • In-Laws
      • Takeaways: Toxic In-Laws
      • The Toxic Person You Don’t Know
    • Chapter 10: The Narcissist You Raised
      • Letting Go of Your Own Child: The Painful Journey
      • Protecting Your Health and Your Wealth
      • Guilt and Grief
      • Toxic Adolescence—It May Be Temporary
      • Takeaways: Toxic Children
  • Part Three: Staying Sane in a Narcissistic World
    • Chapter 11: A Simple Survival Guide
      • The Charlie Brown of It All
      • Closing the Gate
    • Chapter 12: The Big Picture
      • Our Habituation to Narcissism
      • The Well-Being Vortex
      • The Era of Incivility
      • Global Narcissism
    • Chapter 13: The Aftermath
      • “Narcissists’ Rights”
      • The Danger Is Real
      • Can We Prevent It?
      • That’s Just How They Are
      • “The Line”
      • Close the Floodgates
      • Pink Flags
      • Family Patterns
      • You Are Enough
      • Don’t Expect Justice
      • The Crystal Ball
    • Chapter 14: The Modern Happily Ever After
      • Open the Gate for Good People
      • Celebrate Your Scars
      • A Global Neighborhood of Goodness and Love
      • Transitioning from Survival to Growth
      • New Beginnings
  • Bibliography
  • Acknowledgments
  • About the Author

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